i think i'm hurting when i shouldn't be but its hard at times to just ignore and forget what has been said to you. <3........

what happened?

its almost close to February the month of love and i was thinking a lot has changed over the years. even relationships, what happened to the long relationships, to the dozen roses and the chocolates oh and the big teddy bears that say's " i love you" or "i miss you". now its all based on sex and who gets with the most girls and hits the most. i would love to walk in a park and see a sunset or sunrise. i would like a long walk on a beach and wonder about the mysterious ocean. i would like to wake up and go to the mail and discover a love letter. that would be soooo romantic. it may seem corny but if you think about it, it would be pretty nice to do for someone or to receive. when was the last time you received a gift from your boyfriend or girlfriend that was not made in china, that they actually took the time and effort and made it themselves for you? those gifts are the most valuable do to the fact that the whole time they were making it they were thinking about you and spending time memorizing what you like and don't like. this doesn't mean your gonna spend the rest of life making things, but you can change it up a bit instead of always buying try making something special. instead of going and eating dinner in a fancy restaurant pack some snacks and fruits and go set up a picnic! i have plan for the future that i want to do but before that this relationship has to become stronger.

its been so long since i've written on here and i guess i've been busy or something but i have nowhere to turn to, to let everything go... i feel like i'm drowning in a cup halfway filled of water i cant breathe and can get out, each time i swear the truth i just get denied. its hard to look at the positive side of things now, maybe as i'm getting older i get more expectations and responsibilities but thats not the case. i want him to believe me but he wont, and that hurts... i'm tired of crying so wont no more, well i hope i don't because that just shows weakness. i'm not hiding nothing from him i said it 8 times today, probably more later don't know. he told me things today that caused pain in my chest my heart..."go do you ill do me" never again did i thought i would hear those words again... but i did. im tired of all of this you did you didnt do your lying your this your that... fuck its sooo pathetic... but ill just try to shake it away and avoid shit like that with a smile no biggy just another damn bump on the road...